you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
