The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
