There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
