sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
