I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
