I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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