yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
