remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
