In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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