If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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