I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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