Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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