Non-Jews are for practice
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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