Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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