it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
