Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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