dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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