just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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