I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
