I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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