The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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