I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The air was thick with penises
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
