I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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