Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
