Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
