it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
FUCK WHALES
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