Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
