Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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