I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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