it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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