My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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