ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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