life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
