I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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