Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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