There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Randomize
