I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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