brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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