just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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