Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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