you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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