worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
