I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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