Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i have two assholes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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