Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
