they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
