That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
