it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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