Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
