only you would photoshop your dick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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