don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
