If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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