i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
