did you get engaged???
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
