but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
