if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
