I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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