why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
