SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
