This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
