I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
