I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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