He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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