How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last night I used snow as a chaser
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
