Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
