what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
