I'm going to jail i love you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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