pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
