have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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