3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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