This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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