sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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