It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
