woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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