I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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