so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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