My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
