Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been