Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.