my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
