Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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