turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
