Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
